View Full Version : Jokes about skiing & snowboarding
If ya got um add um,
Q. How many snowboard instructors does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A. 9 one to screw & 8 to say "nice turns man"
Q. What do you call a snowboarder with no girlfriend ?
A. Homeless.
Q. How does a snowboard instructor meet his class ?
A. He runs into them.
Q. A car has five snowboarders in the back seat. What do you call the driver ?
A. Yes Sir Officer.
Q. Whats the difference between a snowboard instructor & a snowboard student ?
A. 3 Days.
:) :roll eyes: :D
one that came into my inbox last year
Ski Season Training
Ski season is almost here! Hence, the following list of Exercises to get you prepared:
Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now.
Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.
Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!
a bit more digging... I found another one
Two guys are waiting at the top of a piste while another four women are clipping on their skis and snowboards. The ladies are taking their time.
When the final lady is ready to go they jump off and one immediately falls.
She sprawls around collecting goggles, gloves and lipssticks which have spread themselves all over the hill and refits her ski's.
3 yards later she again goes over and whiffs it completely. The scenario is replayed and the 3rd time time she manages five yards before wiping out.
She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f*cking lessons I took last winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it, you should have taken skiing lessons instead!"
a bit more digging... I found another one
Two guys are waiting at the top of a piste while another four women are clipping on their skis and snowboards. The ladies are taking their time.
When the final lady is ready to go they jump off and one immediately falls.
She sprawls around collecting goggles, gloves and lipssticks which have spread themselves all over the hill and refits her ski's.
3 yards later she again goes over and whiffs it completely. The scenario is replayed and the 3rd time time she manages five yards before wiping out.
She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f*cking lessons I took last winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it, you should have taken skiing lessons instead!"
Hi All,
Don`t feel left out on your next alpine trip.
"How to Play the Cowbell". :eek: :D
YouTube - How to Play the Cowbell
YouTube - Skiing Borat gets arrested!
:D